Saturday, September 19, 2009

Viagra cures ailing dog

Sep. 17--OAKSVILLE -- Crackerjax, the counting therapy dog, needs Viagra.

Jax is getting up there in years, ready to hit 11 in November.

That translates into the mid-70s in dog years, and the days of romping full-blast are in the past.

But Jax, a female, does not need Pfizer's fix for the reason it's usually prescribed for humans -- erectile dysfunction.

She needs it to prevent seizures and control pulmonary hypertension, a condition that only recently became apparent.

About two months ago, Jax was playing with a puppy and suddenly collapsed, her owner, Vivien Beckmann of Fly Creek, said Wednesday at the Cooperstown Veterinary Associates office in Fly Creek.

"She had a seizure, and she went down with her legs splayed," Beckmann said.

Jax got over the spell, but soon had another. Beckmann took her pet to veterinarian Michael Powers in Oaksville.

Powers said Jax's symptoms could have various causes, and he recommended further tests.

When Jax was examined at Upstate Veterinary Specialties in Latham, it was discovered that her lungs and heart had been damaged by a chronic condition akin to bronchitis.

The veterinarian at this clinic, Jeff Bay, prescribed Viagra to increase blood flow and ease her symptoms.

"What she has is fairly common, and I have prescribed Viagra before," Bay said.

Jax's lungs have been damaged during the years and as a consequence, her heart has had to overwork to keep blood flowing through them, he said. By increasing blood flow, Viagra helps both heart and lungs.

Powers said Wednesday that the drug appears to be working. Several weeks ago, Jax was having several seizures a day, but since taking Viagra and a cough medicine, the seizures have stopped.

Before Jax, a certified therapy dog, collapsed, she routinely visited Mary Imogene Bassett Hospital in Cooperstown and Otsego Manor, the county's nursing home.

Nan Apps, Bassett's director of Service Excellence, said Jax is unique.

"Jax is a founding member of our Pet Therapy Program and a big favorite here with patients and staff," she said.

"She was the first dog we ever had in the Dialysis Unit because she is so calm and good with people."

Jax has been sorely missed, but may soon return to the hospital to see old friends and make new ones, Apps said.

Beckmann said she is pleased that Viagra is improving Jax's life, although the drug is very expensive.

"We're spending about $600 a month now on pills," she said.

Still, she and her husband, Bill, want to do everything they can for Jax, a dog that won an honorable mention award in a Purina Mills competition five years ago for her ability to count.

"I know I'm prejudiced, but she's the dog of a lifetime to me," she said.

Want to see this dog count?

Just log onto YouTube, at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znCAJfDgLW4, and see Jax count dog bones by barking, one bark per bone.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Enlightenment

Alice was well into her sixties when she went to her doctor complaining of nausea, exhaustion, and occasional cramps. After a thorough examination the doctor sent her to the hospital for a battery of tests, and finally confronted her with the results. "Mrs. Jones, medically impossible though it seems at your age, there's no doubt about it: you're pregnant."

"Impossible," she cried, and fainted dead away. When she came to, she staggered to the phone, dialed her 78 year old husband, and yelled, "You've knocked me up, you randy old goat!"

There was a long pause at the other end of the line. Then a voice said, "And to whom am I speaking?"

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Foolish Cannibals

A large engineering company in Nigeria recently hired several cannibals to work in its Structural dept. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of our employees". The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later the HR Manager remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our construction instrument engineers has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads "No". After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate that construction Instrument engineer?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating Piping Engineers and no one noticed a thing. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

Friday, October 17, 2008

Ratte rattle

When I was little, I was out playing football. I was wearing quite baggy trousers, so there was a lot of room, and I also really needed a shite. Due in part to laziness, I continued playing football while my cargo slowly slipped out with every movement I made. Soon enough, I'm running around playing football as if everything's fine, with a huge link freely rattling around in my pants like a pea in a whistle. When I got in to inspect the damage, my pants had a healthy tan, and I stood in the bathroom scrubbing at them with toilet roll, which just made it much worse.